Q1 Round-Up: Words really do mean things
A quick recap of where I've been, some thoughts on responsibility, and my in's and out's for Q2
I can’t believe we’re already in Q2 of 2024! It felt like just yesterday I was soaking up sun on a beach for my birthday and now spring is trying to fight her way through. Just shows how fast life moves whether you’re ready or not.
It’s also been a few months since I’ve had the time to write and update y’all on what’s been going on after taking a much needed break and starting a new job.
In the six months since we last spoke:
I’m falling in love with my career again and am the most confident I have ever been in a job. Everyday is a challenge I look forward to tackling. I didn’t know I could feel this way again and I’m so proud of myself for sticking it out and not giving up on the idea that the perfect fit existed.
I started dating (again) and have been enjoying that experience with less pressure than what I was applying on myself before. I’m learning to enjoy my time while at the same time not waste it.
I’ve reunited with the pursuit of many of my childhood hobbies and find that I enjoy spending time just simply existing in the world. It’s made more room for my adult passions too, like reading and returning to writing for fun.
The biggest change, and honestly the true catalyst for everything else, is that I permanently gave up alcohol. I’m officially 50 days in and haven’t felt better in my entire life. It’s truly been a gift for my mind, body, and spirit (a lot more on this later).
All this from a simple yet dangerous prayer: “ Lord, just tell me what you need from me and it’s yours.”
It reminded me that words are so powerful.
A few years ago a life coach gave me a homework assignment: to define my values in my own words, not society's. Whenever a word came to me, my job was to absorb it, research it, and then define it for myself.
Above my desk lived a sea of sticky notes with words and definitions scribbled on them like:
Confidence: Having equal pride in all the things I am and am not.
Authenticity: Being truly and exactly what is claimed.
Courage: The quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face difficulty without fear.
Reflecting on Q1 of 2024, words like effort, execution, actualization, and maintenance have made their way onto the wall. However, the word that I kept coming back to, almost as an undercurrent to them all, was responsibility.
Responsibility, as I define it, is the duty of being entrusted with something and remaining accountable for what was or was not done.
I can be honest with y’all here, right? I immediately told God it wasn’t happening.
As far as I was concerned, I’d removed myself from his strongest soldier registry and was refusing to fight. I knew I had big ambitions for this year, but being told this next chapter of my life was rooted in EVEN MORE responsibility? Absolutely not.
Responsibility is such a heavy, rigid, and serious word. Often associated with high standards and immense pressure. It’s burdensome, stressful, and when it's not met it’s full of blame and shame. I wanted nothing to do with it and didn’t care what that meant I was leaving on the table.
Right now I’m having to unlearn a lot of what I had come to know about responsibility in order to truly see the beauty it’s trying to bring into my life.
I’m learning to reject responsibility as a form of punishment. It’s actually the greatest honor to be entrusted with something, especially from God.
I’ve stopped seeing responsibility as a burden. Viewing responsibility as an opportunity for growth rather than a weight to carry shifts the perspective from it being something I have to do to something I get to do.
I started to understand that responsibility is more than the big things. I’d even argue that the small, overlooked tasks are the most important parts of being responsible.
I’ve removed the seriousness from responsibility. Being responsible and seeing it through is the most fulfilling feeling. When the process is enjoyable it builds a source of pride, not resentment, for what’s being done.
I see the freedoms responsibility has created. Being responsible lets you move through the world with ease because you’ve built trust within yourself to do the things you say you’ll do.
As I spend more time with the word I’ve come to see its softer side. It’s a gift to get to be responsible for my mind, my career, my passions, my newfound lifestyle, and I’m grateful I get to do it everyday.
So what’s new in Q2?
Looking ahead to the coming months I’m bringing with me a couple of things and letting go of some others.
IN
More tea parties and listening rooms, less tequila and tacos.
OUT
Apparently, if your under age 30, being happy.