001. A Read Between the Lines

Five thoughts on creativity, dating, wanting more for others, jealousy, and donation bins

Welcome to Volume 001 of A Read Between The Lines, a reflection series that’s more catered to musings than meaning. These in-between posts are a collection of thoughts that you might see again later in new essays or very well may never read again. It’s an emptying of my notes, a clearing of my tabs, and a dumping of my brain all wrapped in one.

I hope this can be a more interactive departure from my regular stories and essays, where we can have a conversation and exchange the things that we’re thinking with one another. Still Unlearning was always designed to be a community, and A Read Between the Lines is the invitation in.

So let’s go! Here are five micro thoughts from this week:

1. On creativity: Sometimes we care about things that hate us. Love them anyway.

2. On dating: Finding a good playlist is the key to a successful delusion.

3. On wanting more for others: Maybe we should give the whole legacy thing a rest.

4. On self-improvement: Become who you were meant to be by being jealous of the ones who already know.

5. On donation bins: Your past deserves more than being relegated to a box in your closet.

Ready to dive deeper?

---

1. Key takeaways: I don’t have to like you to love you.

I’ve been back on my binge-watching game. If you haven’t watched Wayward on Netflix and are a fan of thrillers minus the spooky jump scares, I highly recommend it. One episode that stuck with me from the season was “Mirror,” where Rory reflects candidly on his relationship with his roommate, Riley, during the hike. As he talks to Abbie, he says something to the effect of, “I cared about him, and he hated me. But everything you care about doesn’t need to care about you, too.”

I’ve talked about it a lot recently, but right now I’m in the maturation process of my artistry where my work hates me, and I hate it. Like a bratty teenager, the words won’t cooperate. They’re demanding a freedom I don’t think they’re ready for just yet, and I’ve tussled daily with my latest pieces over the most trivial things. I absolutely hate it here.

But I hate it because I love it. I care for it deeply. I know what it can become. And oddly, that feels like enough reason to still show up for it.

They say making art means agreeing to a lifelong argument with yourself, and I couldn’t believe in that more than I do today. Creativity isn’t always kind; sometimes it’s a battle between you and the work until the tension turns into understanding. I hope we reach an agreement soon.

---

2. Tunes: Lover Girl playlists, the soundtrack to my delusions

Date: 10/12/25

Time: 5:28 pm

Location: The backseat of an Uber

Song: Fantasia — “When I See You”

The next tab open in my brain is a memory of probably the most headass thing I think I’ve ever created in my lover girl career: A mixtape with hand-drawn cover art where each song title was integrated into a sentence to form a love letter 🫣. It was creative. It was cute. It was also very, very cringey to read 12 years later. But it was full of a young optimism about love that I honestly thought I’d lost.

There’s something so delusional about a love song. That level of romantic hope is irrational and somewhat foolish, but necessary to truly tap into the vulnerability and openness that leads to ever afters.

The last few men I’ve met have taught me to approach dating with strong caution and the utmost logic. The program is pretty strict over here these days. But now and then I like letting delusion win — and the key to a proper delusion is a good soundtrack, right? So I’ve been curating a collection of tunes in no particular order and about no particular person, just a cutesy vibe to daydream to and relive that middle-school crush feeling while putting on my makeup and cruising in the backseat of Ubers headed over to my next date.

I’m hoping that as I grow my relationship with my own heart, my delusions grow even wilder.

---

3. Throwaway thoughts: Let tomorrow worry about itself

Speaking of delusions, I think my expectations of people are a little too grand. In the last month, I’ve been overwhelmed with worry about helping people in my family prepare to step into their next phase of life. It’s so hard seeing someone bright and full of life seem unsure of their path. It makes you want nothing more than to step in and offer all the life lessons you learned from that era in one major download. After a long conversation with my dad, Matthew 6:34 popped up in my notifications, and it got me to settle down just a little. The verse reads, in part, “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself,” and gave me a gentle reminder about legacy and the hopes we have for the next generation — it’s not ours to define.

Three additional thoughts came to me as I read that verse:

1. Inherited expectations are just as burdensome as inherited struggles. Generational trauma and hand-me-down ambitions may hold a different weight, but both are still heavy.

2. Let people choose their own adventure. If given directions, they’ll go where you say. If given a map, the journey is their own.

3. Your vision isn’t the only way. Just like a forest is more than one sown seed, a legacy is more than one dream fulfilled.

---

4. Inspiration: Use jealousy as kindling for your fire

Earlier this week, I shared a post about becoming who you would have been otherwise, but one thought didn’t make the cut — what do you do when others around you are sure about who they are?

Here’s a wild thought: let yourself get jealous.

To me, jealousy is such a necessary but often misunderstood emotion. Some view it as a negative mindset towards others — and unchecked, it can be — but in the right light, jealousy is your potential screaming at you. If we let it, that emotion can take us beyond just wanting what they have or what we assume they’re feeling. It can lead us into a territory where we can become all the things we desire to be now that we’ve seen it happen for others. Even envy can grow something if planted right.

A lot of bookmarks on this one, but some soundbites I picked up from my digital gardening are:

• “The thing about jealousy is you can only be jealous of things you actually want… What if jealousy didn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you, what if it’s a signal from your values?” — What Your Jealousy Is Really Telling You, Mel Robins

• “Good things don’t exist in finite terms that means that if someone else has this, I can’t have it. Good things are abundant — there’s enough good for all of us” — Jealousy Is Okay, Acting On It Isn’t, David Larbi

• “With envy, you can envision a better version of yourself, which is a bittersweet realization. Envy is a negative feeling, but it serves a purpose. Sarah Hill, a professor in the department of psychology at Texas Christian University, says, “It’s kind of like experiencing physical pain. When we touch something hot or we stub our toe, that sort of thing isn’t pleasant, but ultimately it provides a useful, adaptive function.” — How to Get Better at Being Jealous, Kristin Wong

---

5. To-do lists: Keep only what sparks joy

My last thought is on clutter. Right now, seven journals, 13 notebooks, and 25 books all lie in a pile on the floor waiting for me to decide what I’m going to do with them. I’ve been saying I was going to digitize my notes for ages, and now that ChatGPT exists, I very well could do that, but maybe this is just another kind of delusion, me thinking I’ll one day come back to every version of myself I’ve written. The real work ahead of me is deciding what actually deserves space, both on my shelves and in my mind. I’ve been sitting down and reading through each one, and every page makes me realize that these words, these ideas, deserve more than collecting dust in the back of my closet for another 5 years.

So I have two choices: thank them for their purpose and release them, or give them a second life. I choose life. What that 2.0 looks like, I don’t know yet. A memoir? Source material for a work of fiction? Time will tell — and soon, so will I.

---

That’s it for this week’s notes. Just a little mental clean-up before the next round of overthinking. But now I’d love to hear what you’re obsessing over. What delusional thoughts are keeping you dreaming?

Hit reply, tell me what’s been living rent-free in your head, or just come back next time for more in-betweens. 🫶🏾✌🏾